What I Think Should Have Happened in the Star Wars Universe

(This is writing from, obviously, a few years ago...)

The new movie, Episode III, comes out this month. I'm not excited. Not after what George Lucas has done to Episode I and II. Completely chaotic and bad movies. Growing up, we got little tidbits about what happened before Star Wars. This is what I thought to be true.

First of all, let me explain that I was really into the Star Wars universe but not utterly. I read those kiddie movie adaptations. I remember knowing character names enough to be able to lean over to my mother sitting next to me that the character sitting next to Jabba was Salicious Crumb, and the name is never once mentioned in the movie. I had figures too, but no where near as many as my friends. My next door neighbor was an only child so he had a bunch. I was more into collecting He-Man figures actually. I knew character names that were never mentioned in the movie from those Star Wars figures. Everybody knows the droid that blew up was R5-D4, but that was never mentioned in the movie. I never read the Star Wars comics. Maybe a couple of issues. I remember reading the novelization of Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, but never got through Star Wars, probably because that one was actually written by Lucas--ghostwritten by Alan Dean Foster, I think-- whose writing skills are terrible. He's got ideas but no literacy. I remember calling my reading group in school the Ewoks, so my distaste for the fuzzy little critters is not as severe as other rabid fans.

Ok, first of all, I always thought Anakin Skywalker was training with Ben Kenobi and fell into some kind of lava pit--that's why he needed the gear and the mask. Besides those Topps trading cards, there was no mention of SITH. It was some strange word on the cards that we didn't know about. (Another tidbit that Lucas is throwing at us now but miraculously gets lost in the sequel movies). Anakin somehow has to fall into the dark side in order to get enough power to save...whatever he needs to save in episode III. But falling into the dark side is the only way to get the strength to beat it.

One of the notions that I got early on when we found out that "I am your father," was that Luke still needed to save the universe after Jedi. When I was ten, we seriously thought Luke would go the same way as the father, deep into the dark side, in order to beat some other foe. The difference: Luke is able to control it and come back. That is why growing up we thought there were 9 movie installments. What else did you think those 9 were for? If, as Lucas says NOW, these movies all revolve around Darth Vader, wouldn't it really revolve around that family saving the universe?

(Sidebar: Amazingly, with all of the "feeling" that the Jedi do in the sequels, feeling each other all over the planetary system, how was it that Darth did not "feel" Leia in the first few minutes of Star Wars when Leia was fricking standing there!)

Han Solo was an imperial pilot that gets the chance to free Chewbacca, so that's why they are on the lam.

I also find it interesting that nobody has pointed out the worst thing in the prequels--those frickin midichlorians (or however they are spelled). The Force quantified and not mystical, some kind of parasite. A Star Trek explanation on Star Wars. You bought Tech manuals for Star Trek, not Star Wars. I remember thinking as a kid that if I thought hard enough, I might just lift something using the Force.